why do i even care

i'm pretty aggervated, trying to make new friends, but is this what friends are like? ignore you when you call/leave a text, say they are gonna hang out and then dont. i dunno this does remind me a lil of myself, which makes me even more aggervated. i dont know, other than the really awesome friends i already have, i dont know that this making friends venture is even working. grr. well that's all, i'll write in this prolly 4 months from now.

i think i'm close to an end here.

yes i am drawing ever closer to being finished here in ky. i'll give it a couple more years, for which to get my car paid off, get some certifications, and then i think i am gonna start over, run away, do things i actually want to do. be creative, inventive, outgoing, and have something to be proud of. even if i stay close by, if i can get a job making more and working less. that is what i want. to have time to invent on the side, to create and change the way our world works one step at a time. to see all my ideas come together in an actual form something i can touch and say i like or don't like this, lets change that and try this. something to keep me busy other than the constant work and sleep i do everyday. i took a new start on april 17th 2007. i dont regret it at all but i anxiously await the end, for in that end something great will begin.

as for why i am typing at 1am on a tuesday morning, i was sick today, i slept all day and am waiting to go to work, i will be leaving here in about 4 hours so, not quite enough time to do much else. work, sleep, work, sleep, when ever there is time for fun and i take advantage of it, i almost always regret it. i think the next day at work, man i should have slept, instead of going to karaoke, or having people over for drinks, or playing wow, the next morning i wake up, most likely late and sleep deprived, thinking "man i shouldn't have done that" but then what am i supposed to do? i guess this is why grownups are so boring, they do nothing but sleep and work for years at a time. since that's the only way i can seem to get my butt into work on time i guess that's what i will have to do as well. tho i am not admitting defeat, i am going to work hard so i can get things straitened out in the next year or so so i can do what i want.

(no subject)

i hate my life, i work hard and life seems to work harder to fuck me over. i feel like i got robbed. like some one just fucking mugged me and took my money, i over drafted my bank account, to the tune of about 11 bucks. so i deposit $100 in it and what do i have left? $18. yeah this weekend i had a good time, lets count out the totals. $38 for $18 worth of grocerys, a $27 dollar basket of boneless wings and a soda which is about $3 per boneless wing, and a $23 pack of ciggarettes. that's right, they tacked $20 onto EACH charge i was over the limit, which totaled out to being at about -$11 so what can i do about it? absolutely nothing, cept be grateful this was the first time in 12 months because otherwise it would have been $105 in charges or $35 per item. yes that means i would have paid $100 to be at -$16 now granted i had money to pay it, but i cannot get ahead, so i am going to get rid of my car, it's all but decided, if i had an extra $450 a month (see math below)i would not be so dang tight on money. now for math

$300 car payment
$250 car insurance


$0 car payment
<$100 car insurance

that's right i'd have $450 more a month so i will put away 300 of it every month and if my crappy car breaks, then i'll have the cash to get another. hell i could afford to take a cab to work every day for less that 550 a month.

tagged by Captain_Jester

ok so i know i only have to do one, but i'm feeling a lil sickly and need to chill a bit before i can sleep so i will do two

Pearl Jam

1. Are you male or female?
Better Man

2. Describe yourself.
Man Of The Hour

3. What do people feel when they're around you?

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Satan's Bed

5. Describe your current relationship.
I Am Mine

6. Where would you want to be now?
Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town

7. How do you feel about love?
State Of Love And Trust

8. What's your life like?

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?

10. Say something wise.
Nothing As it Seems


1. Are you male or female?
Been a Son

2. Describe yourself.
Born in a Junkyard

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
Jesus Doesn't Want Me For A Sunbeam

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Moist Vagina

5. Describe your current relationship.
About a Girl

6. Where would you want to be now?
On A Plain

7. How do you feel about love?
Love Buzz

8. What's your life like?
Even In His Youth

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
The Money Will Roll Right In

10. Say something wise.
Verse Chorus Verse

weeks behind

ok so i finally saw dr horrable's sing-along blog. and really, thought it was ok at best. at one point during the middle of it i had to stand up, walk away and come back and finish it. it's almost too serious, like they want to go over the top, and yet show great restraint in not doing so. i dunno as the only non whedon fanboy in my group of friends (tho i like firefly alot, i hate buffy twice as much as i like firefly) so i will say dr horrible comes in around the same place as "once more with feeling" (no i dont count that episode as being a part of buffy) and in some ways i like "once more with feeling" better, so it's hard to say with those. both come in just over buffy, with a large gap to get to any episode of firefly, much less "janestown" i'm glad dr horrible won, kinda. and the moral of the story is that you need to be a asshole to make women fall in love with you, but not too much of an asshole. (like the hammer was before his little speech) something we already knew, but if that balance were anywhere as simple as that, i'd be don wan.


strong bad's cool game for attractive people "but you can play tooo!"

the game was excelent, short, but worth 8 bucks so if they keep to the deadline of a new episode every month and the future games are just as fun, then i'd say this game has alot going for it.

the mini games are fun, i especially like the teen girl squad bit, use the right thing on the right girl at the right time and watch them get torched, or eaten, or whatever cruel death strong bad can think of. tho snake boxer is fun too :P i need to unlock the secrets of both of these games.
anyway gotta run.

meme time

You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:

One weapon
One song blasting on the speakers
One famous person to fight alongside you

Weapon can be real or fictional, you may assume endless ammo if applicable. Person can be real or fictional.

Weapon: lightsaber was my first thought... then i thought of a bunch of zombie parts crawling all over the place. muahahahaha. but when i try and think of a better weapon, the best thing i can come up with is a level 3 sentry gun and dispenser from tf2.. keeps you safe even while you sleep! as long as you keep it loaded. which means learning how to hit it with a wrench in your sleep. or something like that.

Song: hmm the portal song comes to mind instantly, which makes me wanna change my weapon choice, i mean i could just trap all the zombies in a garbage compactor or incinerator or something, although zombies raining down from portals in the ceiling and going splat against the marble floor of the mall is kinda an entertaining thought. though that still leaves us wanting a song. an instrumental preferably. perhaps "silverchar - madman" or "cake - arco arena",... or if i could find the instrumental version of "oasis - fucking in the bushes" they used in "snatch" that would be awesome. or "fear factory - dead man walking"

Person: liv tyler. hot. hear that liv? i'd fend off zombies for the chance to make out with you. (and i figure if it's gonna be up to me to repopulate the world i might as well enjoy it)


well i was reading some of my old journal posts... they really do go back like 6 years. and i would have to say i've come a long way. i mean even in the last year. last march i was unemployed, trying to find someplace to live before i was out on the streets. i had my car done, but it would soon die on me, and i spent alot of money doing it. i'm still paying off the debt i accrued, sure there have been some good times in the past, but really i am better off now than i have ever been.

i am working 1 terribly easy job, that pays as much some of my top paying jobs. i have the nicest place to live i ever have had. i have my car, which is reliable, and fun, it's been 8 months and other than oil i haven't had to do anything, cept pay my car payment of course. i have a decent computer, it's a little dated, but it still plays games. (and i'm a bit towards a new computer) i am kinda in a finacial hole, but if i keep working this job i will slowly dig myself out of it. i need to pull everything out of the storage unit, keep what i want and bring it home, then let my friends go thru it, take what they want, and then ebay or goodwill the rest. that would save me $40 a month. anyhow i'm supposed to be at work right now i am feeling sick, but i think im gonna go in late anyway (better than never)

(no subject)

something i keep explaining to myself. because sometimes i forget. usually when the blood drains out of one head and rushes to the other.

their child will always be the most important person in a parent's life. (or should be)
no one is happy in a one sided relationship. well at least not the one side.

as for what these two things have in common... lets take an example.

man A and woman B get into a relationship, man A is the most important person to woman b, and vise versa. well when child AB is born, AB is the most important person to both man A, and woman B. putting the previous most important person being each other, into the second most important. but the relationship is still balanced. or at least this is the perfect situation how things SHOULD BE.

when a relationship is founded and a child is already part of the picture the situation looks like this.

man C and woman D get in a relationship. woman D is the most important person to man C, however child DE is the most important person to woman D. and even if man C is second most important, the whole relationship is unbalanced to begin with. that's not taking into account that every time woman D looks at child DE she is going to think a little bit about man E, good or bad thoughts, even is man E is completely out of the picture. which could spur resentment from man C because he is making an emotional investment in someone who is not making the same emotional investment in them.